Draft #2: Sorry for the delay.
I'm still experimenting with titles -- would appreciate feedback.
As always, any thoughts are appreciated!!!!!!
Rash, sarcastic daredevil Luz is Purgatorio’s charity case, plucked from her job as Hell’s sewer-scraper to escort wayward souls to an Afterlife of penance. There is a lot going on in this sentence. I first thought Rash was the name of a character, for instance. And is Purgatorio a person or another name for Purgatory? And even beyond that it's just a long, bulky sentence that takes a bit to unpack. Once you unpack it, things definitely sound interesting, so the idea is there, but the execution is still a bit off. But taking the girl out of Hell Oh, I thought she was still in Hell, just with a cushier job than before. is easier than taking Hell out of the girl, and, when Luz’s shenanigans Can you be a bit more specific? accidentally cost one of her coworkers his chance at Heaven, she’s given an ultimatum: shape up, or get shipped back to Hell.
But the murmurs of mutiny What murmurs of mutiny? The "but" makes it seem like we should already know about these murmurs. encasing Purgatorio shed light on a bigger scheme: someone is cheating Heaven out of its souls, threatening the hierarchy of the three-tiered Afterlife. Luz’s penchant for mischief makes her a prime suspect, but she’s unwilling to accept an eternity of scrubbing Satan’s sewers without a fair fight.
However, a successful counterattack will require Luz to recruit help from all three realms of the Afterlife, including a starry-eyed Hellboy and a rainbow-loving bleeding heart who doesn’t quite match Luz’s idea of an Angel. But will the power of the underdogs be enough to stop the schemes of a vengeful soul who aims to destroy the Afterlife as they know it? Absolutely avoid rhetorical questions in queries. And for this paragraph, I'd be a bit more specific on what they have to do. Doesn't have to be much, but just to give an idea of what they're up against. Something like, "To track down the vengeful soul who aims to destroy the Afterlife as they know it, they'll have to break into the darkest pits of Hell."
BITING BULLETS Just based off the query, I like HALFWAY TO HELL as the better of the two potential titles. Feels more relevant. But remember that you don't have to be married to any title, because publishers can quite often have their own idea of what titles books should have. is an 80,000-word young adult fantasy novel that will appeal to readers who prefer the dark, grittier stories of Leigh Bardugo and Sabaa Tahir. A Hispanic-inspired take on the Divine Comedy, it combines the TV show Supernatural Look, I adore Supernatural. But when you're doing comps, you want to use other books, not TV shows or movies or other media. with Latino folklore to bring forth themes relevant to the modern reader.
Any advice/criticism is appreciated! Draft 1 of (I assume) many!
Rash, sarcastic daredevil Luz is Purgatorio’s charity case, plucked from her job as Hell’s sewer-scraper to escort wayward souls to an afterlife of penance. But taking the girl out of Hell is easier than taking Hell out of the girl and, when Luz’s escapades costs her coworker his chance at Heaven, she’s given an ultimatum: shape up, or get shipped back to Hell. Permanently.
But someone is cheating Heaven out of its souls, redirecting traffic so that all of Purgatorio’s penitent end up in Hell. Coupled with a mutinous plot that threatens the wings of Heaven’s finest, the scheme is enough to throw the entire three-tiered afterlife into a tailspin -- with all clues casting blame on Luz. Unwilling to accept an Afterlife of scrubbing Satan’s sewers without a fight, Luz attempts her own search, but the untimely arrival of a naive girl from beyond the Islands and a gorgeous, chocolate-haired hunk-muffin will force all of them on a race to both Heaven and Hell to search for the real culprits. However, even the help of the starry-eyed Hellboy may not be enough to stop the well-intentioned mutiny from destroying the Afterlife as they know it.
HALFWAY TO HELL is an 80,000-word YA fantasy that will appeal to readers who prefer the darker, grittier stories of Leigh Bardugo and Sabaa Tahir. A modern take on the Divine Comedy, it combines the TV show Supernatural with Disney’s Coco to bring forth themes relevant to the modern reader.
Outside writing, I am a [profession] and have had a number of publications in [profession] [journals].
Thank you for your consideration.