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Query that got me my agent - YA Fantasy


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#1 Patrick Bohan

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:03 PM

I owe so much of this to you all. I'd post here OBSESSIVELY. It works. Getting critique after critique after critique forced me to grow as a writer, and eventually took me to the point where I landed a few offers and signed with my agent. I'm so thankful for all your help, and hope this helps some of you:

 

Dear [Insert Agent Name],

 

When sixteen-year-old amateur occultist Paul “borrows” an enchanted ankh to conjure a social life, he gets a demon instead. A demon that, unfortunately, plans on using the ankh to conquer San Francisco instead of scoring Paul a hot date to prom. The demon steals the ankh and kidnaps Paul’s crush before disappearing into the Underworld. Oops.

 

A demon-hunting society arrests Paul for the blunder, revealing that his spells have turned him into an underworlder — a monster with a thing for magic and evil laughs. If that wasn't stressful enough, the society assigns teenage commando Alice to be Paul’s babysitter. She doesn’t exactly appreciate the assignment, or see eye-to-eye with her people’s nonviolent approach to underworlders. The society gives Paul just one month to retrieve the ankh and rescue his crush. If he fails, the society turns his head into a wall hanging. 

 

Paul and Alice’s search for the ankh takes them deep into the Underworld, a world where might makes right and danger strides through the ashen streets. But when Paul gets chummy with the cutthroat underworlders, Alice tests his loyalty via broadsword. Paul must find a way to save both worlds from the demon he released, all while keeping his big head on his shoulders. Fingers crossed.

 

OCCULT JENGA is a YA urban fantasy novel, complete at 90,000 words. It will appeal to fans of HOLD ME CLOSER NECROMANCER by Lish McBride. I studied at Cornell University, with a focus on economics and bottomless coffee cups. Last month, I won the first-five-pages writing workshop with agent Paula Munier.

 

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Patrick

 

If you'd like to see the first five pages that I used in the query, plus how I formatted them, head to my mailing list at patrickbohanbooks.com/. You'd get my first chapter, an audio play sample FREE, and no spam. You'd also get my gratitude, it means a lot to me.  :smile:



#2 lnloft

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 01:34 PM

That's great, congrats! I remember critiquing your query. Nice to see that the process works.


Nothing to reciprocate on right now; I'm off in the query trenches.


#3 Patrick Bohan

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 02:06 PM

Thanks, @lnloft. Really appreciate you taking the time to do that. If you ever want me to look at something, don't hesitate to send it my way.



#4 Nessa

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 06:44 PM

Congrats! Great voice and awesome comp.  :wink: Loved that book when it came it.



#5 Caligulas

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 10:05 PM

I remembered this then saw I was of the last few to critique! Big congrats dude! It's great to see a query transform and get the job done. Hope to join you in the ranks of the agented someday. Best of luck in the next stages. <3



#6 LucidDreamer

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Posted 27 January 2019 - 09:40 AM

Congratulations!



#7 Jemi

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Posted 27 January 2019 - 10:41 AM

Great job - congratulations!!!



#8 KitCampbell

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Posted 28 January 2019 - 09:34 AM

Congrats!



#9 ZacharyD

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Posted 17 February 2019 - 09:04 PM

How awesome! As a newbie who is looking to query soon, I'll be using experiences like yours for motivation and inspiration :) Congratulations!



#10 Jackie B

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Posted 20 April 2019 - 10:42 PM

Congratulations. Just subscribed for the pages.

Evil laughs - that was my hook.






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