Donny says he's a great wizard who can save his world and ours, but only if he can finish his portal. His best friend, Sandra, thinks he's just a 12-year-old boy building a computer to play an online game, and she's pretty sure the world will survive either way. I really like the voice here and the hook.
After his adventure party betrays and robs Donny of the book that served as a gateway to Eganesia, he enlists the help of Sandra, a great warrior, to help him retrieve the pieces he needs to build a new portal. They take on many quests to earn the gold needed to complete the magical door back home. Once he can return, he will find his father, who went on a quest for a mystical pack of cigarettes and never returned. Together, they will stop an evil sorcerer’s reign of terror in Eganesia and our world. What's an adventure party? I was picturing an adventure themed birthday party, then a group of people going adventuring...
But through Sandra’s eyes, she Sandra meets Donny after his friends kick him out of their tabletop role playing game. Lacking friends their age, she helps him retrieve the parts he needs to build a computer, so he can play the online version. They take on some odd jobs, like mowing lawns to earn the money needed to finish their project. The world may not need saving. A computer may not be the answer to anything. But Donny is the only person who makes her feel appreciated, so she’ll do anything to make sure he gets a win. After your first two paragraphs, this feels kind of anticlimactic. It does give the impression that it's a dual POV. I'm also not certain what the stake here is? Is the plot all what's in Donny's head, or is there a real-world plot? I'd personally pick one or the other and focus.
Your suggestion on my query was very helpful, and I liked your idea to use my 4th sentence as a hook. I've worked with that idea and would welcome your feedback on my updated query!