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Sita's Dark - Woman's Fiction/Romance


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#1 Paulinashelley

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Posted 22 April 2019 - 10:26 AM

Dear Agent,

 

 

As twenty-eight year old Sita sits in her old bedroom in the Sorento Mansion, she is slowly immersed into a past that she’d hoped was long buried when she finds a dust covered letter under the bed.

 

At fourteen after her grandmother’s untimely death, she’d left her small town life in Georgia and moved into the home of the wealthy Sorento’s in New York. Meeting the very dysfunctional, somewhat disturbed family was either the best or worst thing that could have ever happen to her…

 

A long time ago, after rehab and before her crumbling marriage, she’d sworn that she’d never let what happened during her four year stay with the Sorento’s effect her ever again. But sitting in that room causes her present and future to collide in a way that she prayed it never would.

 

Sita travels back in time to unravel decade old secrets. Secrets that will either save the love that she’s found and allow her to finally heal, or tug her back into the darkness that nearly destroyed her.

 

 

Book 1 of a two part series. Sita and all the Sorento’s have done bad things and have dark secrets. It begs to question, is anyone all good or all bad? And most importantly, what the hell is in that letter?

 

Sita's Dark is complete at 70,000 words and contains a cliffhanger that leads into, Ramiro's Light, the second and final book of this series. Ramiro's Light is also complete.



#2 Derrick

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Posted 22 April 2019 - 11:12 AM

Dear Agent,

 

 

As twenty-eight year old Sita sits in her old bedroom in the Sorento Mansion, she is slowly immersed into a past that she’d hoped was long buried when she finds a dust covered letter under the bed. Just reading below, and I don't know if this is your hook.

 

Answer these questions:

 

1) What is your main premise?

2) What is most enticing?

3) What is at stake?

 

Try to work this in the first paragraph and that's your hook.

 

At fourteen after her grandmother’s untimely death, she’d left her small town life in Georgia and moved into the home of the wealthy Sorento’s in New York. Meeting the very dysfunctional, somewhat disturbed family was either the best or worst thing that could have ever happen to her… This could be a period.

 

A long time ago, after rehab and before her crumbling marriage, she’d sworn that she’d never let what happened during her four year stay with the Sorento’s effect her ever again. But sitting in that room causes her present and future to collide in a way that she prayed it never would. This is vague, I think I'd want more detail. Like, what makes this story stand out from another rehab story?

 

Sita travels back in time to unravel decade old secrets. Secrets that will either save the love that she’s found and allow her to finally heal, or tug her back into the darkness that nearly destroyed her. Does she really travel back in time? If so, I think this is your premise and your hook. So I'd work on refining this and bringing it up top, if this is the case.

 

 

Book 1 of a two part series. Sita and all the Sorento’s have done bad things and have dark secrets. It begs to question, is anyone all good or all bad? And most importantly, what the hell is in that letter? Get rid of this. The questions doesn't do you favors.

 

Sita's Dark is complete at 70,000 words and contains a cliffhanger that leads into, Ramiro's Light, the second and final book of this series. Ramiro's Light is also complete. You need to put genre in here.


Would you do me the kindness of critiquing my query?


#3 Jemi

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Posted 22 April 2019 - 04:11 PM

Hi! I agree with much of what Derrick said above. 

 

If you're selling this as a romance, I think you need to be less vague and more direct. The love interest should also show up in the query - the agents are going to want to see what the chemistry/conflict looks like. If it's a romance, the romance itself should be central

 

I don't know as much about women's fiction - but I think this query version might work better for that genre - to me, the query has more of a literary as opposed to genre fiction feel (if that makes sense :smile: ).

 

Maybe jump directly into the conflict...

 

A fourteen-year-old letter threatens to crumble Sita's carefully structured life...

A long-lost letter opens an opportunity for Sita to travel back in time to fix...

Sita's past has prepared her for a wide variety of disasters, but time travel wasn't one of them..

 

Hope some of that makes sense to you. If not, feel free to ignore it - it's your story and you'll know best! Good luck with it  :smile:






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