New version coming up. And, something else I could use help on - comparisons. The reason I used movies is because i am grossly under-read in this genre. I have nothing I can compare it to, because I haven't read anything similar. It's not at all the genre I usually read, but the idea for it consumed my life and I needed to write it. If you've got anything you can suggest, I'd appreciate it. (Also, this is NOT a cut and paste, I manually retyped it in, so there may me minor type-o's.)
As a child, Officer Misaki Aiko lost her mother to a random act of terror, so when a bomb is reported in Narita Airport, she's the first on the scene. But, even with the technology to stop time, she's a second too late. Good hook! I know right away why + who + what.
One week after failing to find the bomb before it exploded, and with the faces of hundreds dead etched in her memory, Aiko heads to Toronto, Canada, in pursuit of answers. But her one lead is the politically untouchable company responsible for the time-pausing devices used by billions, Aiko included. Good, I'm already invested.
Needed expertise and access, Aiko partners with a local detective, Alex Stokes, regardless of his reputation for being a lone. A well-earned reputation, it turns out. Despite Alex's knowledge of the company, and the technology
is it produces, his unwillingness to communicate stifles the teamwork they need to identify the unknown bomber.
With their quarry constantly one step ahead of them, and Alex keeping secrets from her, Aiko finally gets a clue as to the bomber's identity. A clue that shakes her world to its very core. Now, with hints of another attack coming, Aiko will need to decide who she can trust, and how far she's willing to go to catch the man responsible for the bombs - the same man who killed her mother.
I wish I had something constructive to add, but... I really like your query! Even though I'm not a big sci-fi fiction fan, I'd definitely want to read yours. It's like 100 x better than your first draft :)
Ok, flattering aside. I feel like the ending gives TMI. But, maybe it's not really a spoiler? If she learns about her mother's killer identity quite early, ok, but if not, I wouldn't give it away. Even if you were to cut this information and simply leave it with "and how far she's willing to go to catch the man responsible for the bombs", it would work in terms of stakes.
ETA: Only now I read in your other comment that her motivations aren't personal in the beginning. So, I wouldn't reveal who the man responsible for the bombs is. But maybe you could highlight that it's only job for her until she learns the truth.
As for comps - have you tried looking up similar books on Amazon & Goodreads? From what I remember, you can narrow your search down to keywords so maybe something will come up? That's what I did. Because two movies =nope but one movie + one book = yes, yes, yes :)
Hope it helps!
I've posted a new version of my query so if you have a second, I'd love to see your feedback.
Oh and I like that you don't use "try", "begin" & so on if the character has already made the decision and acts on it.
BORROWED TIME is a dual-POV, adult, near-future science fiction with series potential, complete at 119,000 words, that will appeal to people who enjoyed stories like 'Inception' or 'genre-book-i-haven't-read-yet.'