Jump to content

Disclaimer



Photo
- - - - -

SPRING FLOWERS (Picture book) by ngergen


  • Please log in to reply
2 replies to this topic

#1 lnloft

lnloft

    LNLOFT

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 625 posts
  • Literary Status:unagented
  • LocationUS Northeast

Posted 04 August 2019 - 05:40 PM

(Posting on behalf of ngergen)

 

Attn Ms. _______:


“But after a few weeks, they begin to wilt.
The flowers bend down as a final bow, at a tilt.

No fresh water, no soil, no heat wave,

No sweet words, nor gentle, loving care will save.”

Spring Flowers is a 268 word picture book with the goal of presenting the cycle of life and death in a simplistic way that adolescents can relate with--the blooming and wilting of spring flowers.  


Losing my father to a stroke when I was a teenager has inspired me over the past twenty years to write books that might help children struggling to manage their grief.  While I have not yet published any of my writings, I hope to put picture books into the literary world that support teenagers struggling with love and loss. My perfectionism has paralyzed me at various times in the past as well as demands from my career as a full-time high school educator.  However, I cannot linger any longer. I remember looking through the shelves at my local library and finding nothing that could console a sixteen-year-old and would like to offer children a choice.


Thank you for your time and consideration, Ms. ________________.  I have the full manuscript of Spring Flowers available upon request.


Many thanks,


Please note I'm also posting on behalf of people who can't sign up, so if I provide a link in the main body of the post, make sure to reciprocate on that thread.

 

I've got 250 words I'd love your feedback on: Untitled fantasy project


#2 SuzieTheWriter

SuzieTheWriter

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 119 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, emerging, unagented
  • LocationUS Southeast
  • Publishing Experience:No book publishing experience, but I am a published journalist, with my work bylined at The Daily Tar Heel, GrepBeat and The Rolesville Buzz.

Posted 05 August 2019 - 02:12 PM

First and foremost, I'm going to say that I have very little experience with queries, so take this with a grain of salt.

 

But I haven't seen successful queries begin with quotes from the actual book, so I'm thinking it's frowned upon and a more traditional hook might be better? Granted, this is a little bit of a different situation since this is a short picture book.

 

The other thing I noticed was your use of "adolescents." I think adolescents are 13-18, so they are probably beyond the picture book age. This might target MG or even younger children with its simple explanation of the cycle of life/death.

 

I think your personal connection with your dad is important to note, but once you start talking about your perfectionism, I get a little lost. I think author's bios are meant to be much more concise, and sometimes they are even unnecessary?

 

Again, these are all just my first thoughts from someone with not much experience in this industry.


Please check out my latest query:

http://agentquerycon...antic-thriller/


#3 jrjan1

jrjan1

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 30 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:None

Posted 05 August 2019 - 03:50 PM

I don't have a clue about this, but here are my thoughts.

 

I probably wouldn't put that poem in there.

 

I wouldn't mention that you have not published yet. 

 

The first sentence of the second paragraph is good, I think I'd delete the rest. 

 

It's a picture book, so I guess you can't create a sense of urgency, but perhaps something about your research into the problem and the lack of other books to help would be more helpful.






0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users