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Trinity: The Reaper Hour ( YA URBAN FANTASY)


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#1 Soreen Laythyn

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Posted 03 September 2019 - 08:56 PM

 Seventeen-year-old Wrench Gale can communicate with the dead, a secret he closely guards. Branded a social outcast amongst his classmates and targeted by a bully, Wrench dreams of a normal life where people accept him, and his ‘ability’ is a thing of the past.

 

But then he meets a dead man who isn’t as friendly as the others he’s encountered before.

 

Within minutes of their meeting, Wrench is attacked and left for dead in his own home. Upon waking, he realizes he can’t remember a thing – and that he’s not alone. Reapers—half-living, half-dead humans who can communicate and fight the dead—have arrested Wrench in connection with the attack in his home.

 

Both the Reapers and Wrench want to figure out what happened, but trust is a two-way street. When Wrench finds out that more than just the dead roam the streets of New York, he doesn’t have a choice but to trust the Reapers—especially when he comes to realize that not only is his best friend a Reaper, but his bully as well.

 

And with an execution order meant to expire in 24 hours, Wrench needs all the help he can get.

 

In a city filled with the dead, sorcerers, shapeshifters and other supernatural nightmares, TRINITY: THE REAPER HOUR follows Wrench through a gauntlet of trouble in a New York he’s never known, leading to a final climactic revelation that may lead to his own unraveling.

 

TRINITY, a 96,000-word young adult urban fantasy, is in the same vein as Cassandra Clare’s THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS series, with a supernatural touch à la Stephanie Meyer.

 

Soreen Laythyn was born and raised on Long Island, New York. She’s worked a number of retail jobs while attending various creative writing classes to earn her associate’s degree in liberal arts. Recently, she’s earned her bachelor’s in criminal justice. She lives in Uniondale, New York and TRINITY: THE REAPING HOUR is her debut novel.



#2 bookgirl_kt

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Posted 03 September 2019 - 10:12 PM

Here are my suggestions. These are all just opinions and you can take or leave them.

 

Seventeen-year-old Wrench Gale can communicate with the dead, a secret he closely guards. Branded a social outcast amongst his classmates and targeted by a bully, Wrench dreams of a normal life where people accept him, and his ‘ability’ is a thing of the past. This is a good opening, but it's a bit cliche: most heroes have bullies and want to be normal. Is there a way to add some details which are original to your story.

 

But then he meets a dead man who isn’t as friendly as the others he’s encountered before. Here is 100% where it starts to get interesting for me. In the first paragraph, I'd love to hear more about the friendly dead Wrench hangs out with, because that's something different from most people who can see ghosts. I'm also instantly curious about the nasty ghost.

 

Within minutes of their meeting, Wrench is attacked and left for dead in his own home. Nice action, high stakes immediately. Upon waking, he realizes he can’t remember a thing – and that he’s not alone. Reapers—half-living, half-dead humans who can communicate and fight the dead—have arrested Wrench in connection with the attack in his home. This is getting even more interesting!

 

Both the Reapers and Wrench want to figure out what happened, but trust is a two-way street. I'm a little unclear why the Reapers blame Wrench when all he did was get beaten up. I think there's a bit more going on here I don't know about. Wouldn't it be pretty obvious a ghost beat him up even if he doesn't remember it? Is there something special about this incident? I love your ending line with the execution order but I'm baffled why getting beat up would be a fatal crime. When Wrench finds out that more than just the dead roam the streets of New York, he doesn’t have a choice but to trust the Reapers—especially when he comes to realize that not only is his best friend a Reaper, but his bully as well. Another nice twist! I'm intrigued.

 

And with an execution order meant to expire in 24 hours, Wrench needs all the help he can get. This is a great clincher.

 

In a city filled with the dead, sorcerers, shapeshifters and other supernatural nightmares, TRINITY: THE REAPER HOUR follows Wrench through a gauntlet of trouble in a New York he’s never known, leading to a final climactic revelation that may lead to his own unraveling. This line is also a little cliche, and I liked your last sentence better as a clincher. It really packed a punch.

 

TRINITY, a 96,000-word young adult urban fantasy, is in the same vein as Cassandra Clare’s THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS series, with a supernatural touch à la Stephanie Meyer.

 

This sounds like a cool and interesting story! You have a lot of witty lines and great voice. Good luck.

 

I hope I've helped! A link to my query is in my signature if you'd like to return the favor.



#3 Soreen Laythyn

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Posted 05 September 2019 - 01:07 PM

Seventeen-year-old Wrench Gale can communicate with the dead, a secret he closely guards. Branded a social outcast amongst his classmates and harassed by the amicable dead, Wrench plans on dealing with it the way he deals with all his other problems. By ignoring them.

But then he meets a dead man who isn’t as friendly as the others he’s encountered before.

Within minutes of their meeting, Wrench is attacked and left for dead in his own home. Upon waking, he can’t remember a thing – and he’s not alone. Reapers—half-living, half-dead humans who can communicate and fight the dead—have arrested Wrench not only in connection with the attack in his home.

He’s also a human who has no business being able to see the dead.

Both the Reapers and Wrench want to figure out what happened, but trust is a two-way street. When Wrench finds out that more than just the dead roam the streets of New York, he doesn’t have a choice but to trust the Reapers—especially when he comes to realize that not only is his best friend a Reaper, but his bully as well.

And with an execution order meant to expire in 24 hours, Wrench needs all the help he can get.

In a city filled with the dead, sorcerers, shapeshifters and other supernatural nightmares, TRINITY: THE REAPER HOUR follows Wrench through a gauntlet of trouble in a New York he’s never known, leading to a final climactic revelation that may lead to his own unraveling.

TRINITY, a 96,000-word young adult urban fantasy, is in the same vein as Cassandra Clare’s THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS series, with a supernatural touch à la Stephanie Meyer.

#4 Soreen Laythyn

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Posted 06 September 2019 - 01:27 AM

Seventeen-year-old Wrench Gale can communicate with the dead, a secret he closely guards. Branded a social outcast amongst his classmates and harassed by the amicable dead, Wrench plans on dealing with it the way he deals with all his other problems. By ignoring them.

But then he meets a dead man who isn’t as friendly as the others he’s encountered before.

Within minutes of their meeting, Wrench is attacked and left for dead in his own home. Upon waking, he can’t remember a thing – and he’s not alone. Reapers—half-living, half-dead humans who can communicate and fight the dead—have arrested Wrench not only in connection with the attack in his home.

He’s also a human who has no business being able to see the dead.

Both the Reapers and Wrench want to figure out what happened, but trust is a two-way street. When Wrench finds out that more than just the dead roam the streets of New York, he doesn’t have a choice but to trust the Reapers—especially when he comes to realize that not only is his best friend a Reaper, but his bully as well. Another nice twist! I'm intrigued.

And with an execution order meant to expire in 24 hours, Wrench needs all the help he can get. This is a great clincher.

In a city filled with the dead, sorcerers, shapeshifters and other supernatural nightmares, TRINITY: THE REAPER HOUR follows Wrench through a gauntlet of trouble in a New York he’s never known, leading to a final climactic revelation that may lead to his own unraveling. This line is also a little cliche, and I liked your last sentence better as a clincher. It really packed a punch.

TRINITY, a 96,000-word young adult urban fantasy, is in the same vein as Cassandra Clare’s THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS series, with a supernatural touch à la Stephanie Meyer.

#5 queryseal

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Posted 06 September 2019 - 11:33 AM

Seventeen-year-old Wrench Gale can communicate with the dead, a secret he closely guards. Branded a social outcast amongst his classmates and harassed by the amicable dead, Wrench plans on dealing deals with it the way he deals with all his other problems. By ignoring them. I like this hook.

But then he meets a dead man who isn’t as friendly as the others he’s encountered before. I don't think you need this sentence. The first sentence makes it sound like the dead give him a hard time (with the word harassed being used). My suggestion is to start the next paragraph with, "When Wrench meets another dead man, the ghost attacks Wrench and leaves him for dead."

Within minutes of their meeting, Wrench is attacked and left for dead in his own home. Upon waking, he can’t remember a thing – and he’s not alone. Reapers—half-living, half-dead humans who can communicate and fight the dead—have arrested Wrench not only in connection with the attack in his home.

(I'd bring this sentence up with the previous paragraph so the query doesn't look so choppy) He’s also a human who has no business being able to see the dead (why?).

Both the Reapers and Wrench want to figure out what happened, but trust is a two-way street. When Wrench finds out that more than just the dead roam the streets of New York, he doesn’t have a choice but to trust the Reapers—especially when he comes to realize that not only is his best friend a Reaper, but his bully as well.

​(I'd bring this part up sooner. I didn't know Wrench's life is the on the line until now, and the query would make more sense if this is mentioned earlier) And with an execution order meant to expire in 24 hours, Wrench needs all the help he can get.

(This paragraph you can delete because it just sums up everything you already mentioned) In a city filled with the dead, sorcerers, shapeshifters and other supernatural nightmares, TRINITY: THE REAPER HOUR follows Wrench through a gauntlet of trouble in a New York he’s never known, leading to a final climactic revelation that may lead to his own unraveling.

TRINITY, a 96,000-word young adult urban fantasy, is in the same vein as Cassandra Clare’s THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS series, with a supernatural touch à la Stephanie Meyer. I'd suggest you find newer comps. Both those books are over ten years old now (hard to believe, isn't it?).

 

I think you have an interesting premise here. I think you tighten up the paragraphs, bring things together, and clarify some things, you'll head in the right direction. Good luck!






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