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KEWPIE KILLER (Humorous Mystery)


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#1 Mark Friedlander

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 04:51 PM

Well,(gulp). Here goes...

Synopsis - KEWPIE KILLER

It’s hard to be a tough investigative reporter when Mommy owns the paper, you lose your apartment and you have to move back home. There’s also no solace in your social life when you own at least one bridesmaid dress for every friend you have. Just ask rookie reporter, Raquel Flanagan.

The night Raquel covers the Kelly Carnival’s opening, BRENDA, a Bearded Lady of questionable gender finds a dead farmer planted next to a Kewpie doll. Both the farmer and the doll sport straw hats and overalls. Someone broke off the doll’s head. Panicked, Brenda runs into Raquel who is shooting photographs on the Midway. Brenda’s shrieks draw a crowd including LEONARDO, Kelly’s manager and POPS, Kelly’s owner. Leonardo points out Raquel may have shot a photo that could help the police.

Anxious to prove herself to Mom, who is a pathological perfectionist, Raquel locates reports of additional victims dead next to broken dolls that match their occupations. At first, no one believes Raquel's theory that a serial Kewpie Killer exists. Then, Raquel meets and falls for EDDIE FRANKLIN, a cop working Kewpie Killings in Florida. Eddie has to work six more years in Florida before he can claim his pension. Raquel's mom wants to groom her to run the paper in New York. Raquel doesn’t know what to do.

Raquel’s interest in the farmer’s death increases when someone sends her a Kewpie dressed as a reporter with black tape over the eyes and mouth. Her research reveals that years ago when the dead man literally bought the farm and put in his crops, he cancelled a contract with the Medici Circus. After that, no carnivals came to town until the city built the fairgrounds currently occupied by Kelly’s Carnival. When Raquel tells this to Eddie, he tells her the victims in the 20-year-old Florida Kewpie murder suicide were ORAZIO and AGNESE MEDICI.

Raquel and Eddie look into other Kewpie Killings in New York and Florida and learn that at each scene, police also recovered a gold trinket from a woman’s charm bracelet. Like the Kewpies, each charm represents an occupation matching the deceased. Each victim worked at a job that could have affected the success of the Medici Circus.

Convinced someone, perhaps a relative, is avenging the financial ruin of the circus, Raquel and Eddie fly to Florida to learn more about the Medici’s. When they meet with the Medici’s financial advisor, they’re surprised to learn that despite some setbacks, the circus did well financially.

With their motive shot to hell, they investigate the family. They find Orazio Medici performed illusions and his wife Agnese did a high wire act with her twin sister ROSA BELLINI. A man who suffered mood swings, Orazio handmade Kewpie Dolls for people when he was happy. A retired fire breather named DRAGONI tells them Agnese cheated on Orazio and wore a gold bracelet bearing one charm from each lover. They also discover Rosa married a circus strongman named Pops, who now owns Kelly’s Carnival.

Raquel and Eddie press Pops for details and he reveals Orazio thought Agnese was going to leave him for her latest unknown boyfriend. Orazio confronted her after a show and she ran from him to her sister Rosa’s trailer but then decided to return for her three-year-old son, Leonardo. Fearful of Orazio’s rage, Pops and Rosa convinced Agnese to let Rosa fetch the boy.

When Rosa, still wearing the same costume as her twin entered Orazio’s trailer, he killed her and succumbed to a drug overdose without realizing he murdered the wrong sister. Worried that Orazio might recover and go after Agnese again, Pops lied to the police about which sister Orazio killed.

Raquel and Eddie locate the Medical Examiner who pronounced Orazio dead. To cut a break on charges for unrelated crimes, the doctor admits Orazio came to on the autopsy table. He says Orazio bribed and threatened him to keep quiet and to sign the death certificate.

Raquel and Eddie hunt for Orazio and locate him when a surveillance camera captures his license plate number. Police attempt to arrest Orazio, but he escapes through a hidden tunnel.

When Eddie and Raquel catch up with him again, Orazio admits to the killings. He claims justification because each of the victims cheated with his wife. He explains he didn’t know who the men were or that he killed the wrong sister until he visited the hospice to see Rosa. There, he found Agnese, not Rosa, still wearing the bracelet. He took it and used the charms to figure out which men to kill. After his arrest, Orazio, an experienced magician, escapes his handcuffs and flees a police car.

Raquel and Eddie track him down again and police bring him in. When the DA sees the case against Orazio she doesn’t want to prosecute the Kewpie killings. There’s no physical evidence and Orazio’s confession alone won’t get him convicted.

The DA decides the best case she’s got is Orazio killing Rosa Bellini but she needs Pops to testify. Pops is anxious to help but she warns him the case is weak. Jurors don’t trust memories of events that old. He’ll have to overcome the fact he lied for years that Rosa was still alive. She even tells him there’s a chance Orazio could get a reduced charge since he didn’t mean to kill Rosa. She schedules Pop’s deposition for the morning and sends him to a motel. Raquel and Eddie decide to question Orazio in the morning to see if they can bolster the case.

The next day, Pops is missing from his room. Raquel and Eddie decide to visit Orazio in jail and look for Pops afterwards. When they arrive at the prison a Corrections Officer tells them they can’t speak with Orazio. Some circus strongman brought in last night walked up to Orazio at breakfast and snapped his neck, just like a dolls.

Falafel Jones.net
Kewpie Killer
Paper or plastic digital 51nLuiQDVjL._SL110_.jpg51ZiyrardhL._SL110_.jpg51IDRMxZ2EL._SL110_.jpg51Bjjx6HDYL._SL110_.jpg


#2 Tom Preece

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 05:12 PM

Well,(gulp). Here goes...

Synopsis - KEWPIE KILLER

It’s hard to be a tough investigative (story makes this clear) reporter when Mommy owns the paper, you lose your apartment and you have to move back home. There’s also no solace in your social life when you own a at least one bridesmaid dress for every friend you have. Just ask rookie reporter, Raquel Flanagan.

The night Raquel covers the Kelly Carnival’s opening, BRENDA, a Bearded Lady of questionable gender finds a dead farmer planted next to a Kewpie doll. Both the farmer and the doll sport straw hats and overalls. Someone broke off the doll’s head. Panicked, Brenda runs into Raquel who is shooting photographs on the Midway. Brenda’s shrieks draw a crowd including LEONARDO, Kelly’s manager and POPS, Kelly’s owner. Leonardo points out Raquel may have shot a photo that could help the police.

Anxious to prove herself to Mom, who is a pathological perfectionist, Raquel locates reports of additional victims dead next to broken dolls that match their occupations. At first, no one believes Raquel's theory that a serial Kewpie Killer exists. Then, Raquel meets and falls for EDDIE FRANKLIN, a cop working Kewpie Killings in Florida. Eddie has to work six more years in Florida before he can claim his pension. Raquel's mom wants to groom her to run the paper in New York. Raquel doesn’t know what to do.

Raquel’s interest in the farmer’s death increases when someone sends her a Kewpie dressed as a reporter with black tape over the eyes and mouth. Her research reveals that years ago when the dead man literally bought the farm and put in his crops, he cancelled a contract with the Medici Circus. After that, no carnivals came to town until the city built the fairgrounds currently occupied by Kelly’s Carnival. When Raquel tells this to Eddie, he tells her the victims in the 20-year-old Florida Kewpie murder suicide were ORAZIO and AGNESE MEDICI.

Raquel and Eddie look into other Kewpie Killings in New York and Florida and learn that at each scene, police also recovered a gold trinket from a woman’s charm bracelet. Like the Kewpies, each charm represents an occupation matching the deceased. Each victim worked at a job that could have affected the success of the Medici Circus.

Convinced someone, perhaps a relative, is avenging the financial ruin of the circus, Raquel and Eddie fly to Florida to learn more about the Medici’s. When they meet with the Medici’s financial advisor, they’re surprised to learn that despite some setbacks, the circus did well financially.

With their motive shot to hell, they investigate the family. They find Orazio Medici performed illusions and his wife Agnese did a high wire act with her twin sister ROSA BELLINI. A man who suffered mood swings, Orazio handmade Kewpie Dolls for people when he was happy. A retired fire breather named DRAGONI tells them Agnese cheated on Orazio and wore a gold bracelet bearing one charm from each lover. They also discover Rosa married a circus strongman named Pops, who now owns Kelly’s Carnival.

Raquel and Eddie press Pops for details and he reveals Orazio thought Agnese was going to leave him for her latest unknown boyfriend. Orazio confronted her after a show and she ran from him to her sister Rosa’s trailer but then decided to return for her three-year-old son, Leonardo. Fearful of Orazio’s rage, Pops and Rosa convinced Agnese to let Rosa fetch the boy.

When Rosa, still wearing the same costume as her twin entered Orazio’s trailer, he killed her and succumbed to a drug overdose without realizing he murdered the wrong sister. (For a while I thought Orazio was dead) Worried that Orazio might recover and go after Agnese again, Pops lied to the police about which sister Orazio killed.

Raquel and Eddie locate the Medical Examiner who pronounced Orazio dead. To cut a break on charges for unrelated crimes, the doctor admits Orazio came to on the autopsy table. He says Orazio bribed and threatened him to keep quiet and to sign the death certificate.

Raquel and Eddie hunt for Orazio and locate him when a surveillance camera captures his license plate number. Police attempt to arrest Orazio, but he escapes through a hidden tunnel.

When Eddie and Raquel catch up with him again, Orazio admits to the killings. He claims justification because each of the victims cheated with his wife. He explains he didn’t know who the men were or that he killed the wrong sister until he visited the hospice to see Rosa. There, he found Agnese, not Rosa, still wearing the bracelet. He took it and used the charms to figure out which men to kill. After his arrest, Orazio, an experienced magician, escapes his handcuffs and flees a police car.

Raquel and Eddie track him down again and police bring him in. When the DA sees the case against Orazio she doesn’t want to prosecute the Kewpie killings. There’s no physical evidence and Orazio’s confession alone won’t get him convicted.

The DA decides the best case she’s got is Orazio killing Rosa Bellini but she needs Pops to testify. Pops is anxious to help but she warns him the case is weak. Jurors don’t trust memories of events that old. He’ll have to overcome the fact he lied for years that Rosa was still alive. She even tells him there’s a chance Orazio could get a reduced charge since he didn’t mean to kill Rosa. She schedules Pop’s deposition for the morning and sends him to a motel. Raquel and Eddie decide to question Orazio in the morning to see if they can bolster the case.

The next day, Pops is missing from his room. Raquel and Eddie decide to visit Orazio in jail and look for Pops afterwards. When they arrive at the prison a Corrections Officer tells them they can’t speak with Orazio. Some circus strongman brought in last night walked up to Orazio at breakfast and snapped his neck, just like a dolls.



Works for me Mark. Story is clear. My marks are merely quibbles, my editorial choice. I wish there was a way you could have continued the voice of the first paragraph through the piece, but I would guess that Racquel may start that way but in the course of the book has become someone else.

#3 Mark Friedlander

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 06:36 PM

Works for me Mark. Story is clear. My marks are merely quibbles, my editorial choice. I wish there was a way you could have continued the voice of the first paragraph through the piece, but I would guess that Racquel may start that way but in the course of the book has become someone else.


Thank you, Tom. I also wish I could have continued the voice of the first paragraph through the piece. Since the ms starts off light and then gets into the death thing, it seemed I had no choice but to do the opposite of lightening up.

Now that I've seen the synopsis online, I think I need to do something about my repetitive use of the phrase "Raquel and Eddie..."

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Kewpie Killer
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#4 Moonshade

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 09:13 PM

Well,(gulp). Here goes...

Synopsis - KEWPIE KILLER

It’s hard to be a tough investigative reporter when Mommy The MC's mother, or somebody who goes by Mommy? owns the paper, you lose your apartment and you have to move back home. There’s also no solace in your social life when you own at least one bridesmaid dress for every friend you have. Just ask rookie reporter, RAQUEL FLANAGAN.

The night Raquel covers the Kelly Carnival’s opening, BRENDA, a Bearded Lady of questionable gender finds a dead farmer planted next to a Kewpie doll. Both the farmer and the doll sport straw hats and overalls. Someone broke off the doll’s head. Panicked, Brenda runs into Raquel who is shooting photographs on the Midway. Brenda’s shrieks draw a crowd including LEONARDO, Kelly’s manager and POPS, Kelly’s ownerWhen you say it like this I honestly thought Kelly was a person. Also, try to cut down the characters to the bare essentials. I've heard that three is a good number of characters to named in the synopsis. Leonardo points out Raquel may have shot a photo that could help the police.

Anxious to prove herself to Mom, who is a pathological perfectionist, Raquel locates reports of additional victims dead next to broken dolls that match their occupations. At first, no one believes Raquel's theory that a serial Kewpie Killer exists. Then, Raquel meets and falls for EDDIE FRANKLIN, a cop working Kewpie Killings in Florida. Eddie has to work six more years in Florida before he can claim his pension. Raquel's mom wants to groom her to run the paper in New York. Raquel doesn’t know what to do. You can probably condense this: "But he's stuck in Florida and Mom wants her to run the paper in New York.

Raquel’s interest in the farmer’s death increases when someone sends her a Kewpie dressed as a reporter with black tape over the eyes and mouth. Her research reveals that years ago when the dead man literally bought the farm and put in his crops, he cancelled a contract with the Medici Circus. After that, no carnivals came to town until the city built the fairgrounds currently occupied by Kelly’s Carnival. When Raquel tells this to Eddie, he tells her the victims in the 20-year-old Florida Kewpie murder suicide were ORAZIO and AGNESE MEDICI.Give us the significance of these people's identities, and how they fit into what's going on right now--most likely, that they were the owners of the circus.

Raquel and Eddie look into other Kewpie Killings in New York and Florida and learn that at each scene, police also recovered a gold trinket from a woman’s charm bracelet. Like the Kewpies, each charm represents an occupation matching the deceased. Each victim worked at a job that could have affected the success of the Medici Circus.

Convinced someone, perhaps a relative, is avenging the financial ruin of the circus, Raquel and Eddie fly to Florida to learn more about the Medici’s. When they meet with the Medici’s financial advisor, they’re surprised to learn that despite some setbacks, the circus did well financially.


I read through the rest, but I'm not sure entirely how to edit it.

As I said before, it's typical that you only mention the essential characters. After seeing Brenda, Eddie, Pops, and Leonardo, I have no idea who's important and who's not, and that leaves me very much confused. I'd say, focus on Raquel, Eddie, Ozario and Agnes. Others can be referred to as carnival workers, Agnes' sister, etc, etc.

Another thing I think should be looked at is length. I'm under the impression that most of the time they're supposed to be two pages, double spaced, so this feels a little long. I could be way off here, though.

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#5 Sharon Bayliss

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Posted 29 June 2011 - 02:59 AM

Well,(gulp). Here goes...

Synopsis - KEWPIE KILLER

It’s hard to be a tough investigative reporter when Mommy owns the paper, you lose your apartment and you have to move back home. There’s also no solace in your social life when you own at least one bridesmaid dress for every friend you have. Just ask rookie reporter, Raquel Flanagan. Make her name all caps. I like the bridesmaids dress detail, but the sentence feels clunky with it.

The night Raquel covers the Kelly Carnival’s opening, BRENDA, a Bearded Lady of questionable gender finds a dead farmer planted next to a headless Kewpie doll. Both the farmer and the doll sport straw hats and overalls. Someone broke off the doll’s head. Does that mean the farmer's head is off too? Maybe I'm thinking of voodoo dolls. Brenda doesn't seem like an important character, so including her name in caps could be misleading. Panicked, Brenda runs into Raquel who is shooting photographs on the Midway. Brenda’s shrieks draw a crowd including LEONARDO, Kelly’s manager and POPS, Kelly’s owner. Leonardo points out Raquel may have shot a photo that could help the police.

Anxious to prove herself to Mom, who is a pathological perfectionist, Raquel locates reports of additional victims dead next to broken dolls that match their occupations. At first, no one believes Raquel's theory that a serial Kewpie Killer exists. Then, Raquel meets and falls for EDDIE FRANKLIN, a cop working Kewpie Killings in Florida. Eddie has to work six more years in Florida before he can claim his pension. Raquel's mom wants to groom her to run the paper in New York. Raquel doesn’t know what to do.

Raquel’s interest in the farmer’s death increases when someone sends her a Kewpie dressed as a reporter with black tape over the eyes and mouth. Her research reveals that years ago when the dead man literally bought the his farm and put in his crops, he cancelled a contract with the Medici Circus. After that, no carnivals came to town until the city built the fairgrounds currently occupied by Kelly’s Carnival. When Raquel tells this to Eddie, he tells her the victims in the 20-year-old Florida Kewpie murder suicide were ORAZIO and AGNESE MEDICI. This sentence confuses me. I've don't know of the Florida Kewpie murder suicide yet, so the reveal in the sentence is lost. What about - he tells her about the 20 year old murder suicide case of ORAZIO and AGNESE MEDICI.

Raquel and Eddie look into other Kewpie Killings in New York and Florida and learn that at each scene, police also recovered a gold trinket from a woman’s charm bracelet. Like the Kewpies, each charm represents an occupation matching the deceased. Each victim worked at a job that could have affected the success of the Medici Circus.

Convinced someone, perhaps a relative, is avenging the financial ruin of the circus, Raquel and Eddie fly to Florida to learn more about the Medici’s family. When they meet with the Medici’s financial advisor, they’re surprised to learn that despite some setbacks, the circus did well financially.

With their motive shot to hell, they investigate the family. They findlearn that Orazio Medici performed illusions and his wife Agnese did a high wire act with her twin sister ROSA BELLINI. A man who suffered mood swings, Orazio handmade Kewpie Dolls for people when he was happy. A retired fire breather named DRAGONI tells them Agnese cheated on Orazio and wore a gold bracelet bearing one charm from each lover. They also discover Rosa married a circus strongman named Pops, who now owns Kelly’s Carnival.

Raquel and Eddie press Pops for details and he reveals Orazio thought Agnese was going to leave him for her latest unknown boyfriend. Orazio confronted her after a show and she ran from him to her sister Rosa’s trailer but then decided to return for her three-year-old son, Leonardo. Fearful of Orazio’s rage, Pops and Rosa convinced Agnese to let Rosa fetch the boy.

When Rosa, still wearing the same costume as her twin entered Orazio’s trailer, he killed her and succumbed to a drug overdose without realizing he murdered the wrong sister. Worried that Orazio might recover and go after Agnese again, Pops lied to the police about which sister Orazio killed.

Raquel and Eddie locate the Medical Examiner who pronounced Orazio dead. To cut a break on charges for unrelated crimes, the doctor admits Orazio came to on the autopsy table. He says Orazio bribed and threatened him to keep quiet and to sign the death certificate.

Raquel and Eddie hunt for Orazio and locate him when a surveillance camera captures his license plate number. Police attempt to arrest Orazio, but he escapes through a hidden tunnel.

When Eddie and Raquel catch up with him again, Orazio admits to the killings. He claims justification because each of the victims cheated with his wife. He explains he didn’t know who the men were or that he killed the wrong sister until he visited the hospice to see Rosa. There, he found Agnese, not Rosa, still wearing the bracelet. He took it and used the charms to figure out which men to kill. After his arrest, Orazio, an experienced magician, escapes his handcuffs and flees a police car.

Raquel and Eddie track him down again and police bring him in. When the DA sees the case against Orazio she doesn’t want to prosecute the Kewpie killings. There’s no physical evidence and Orazio’s confession alone won’t get him convicted. really? My only law knowledge is Law & Order law knowledge, but a written confession seems pretty strong

The DA decides the best case she’s got is Orazio killing Rosa Bellini but she needs Pops to testify. Pops is anxious to help but she warns him the case is weak. Jurors don’t trust memories of events that old. He’ll have to overcome the fact he lied for years that Rosa was still alive. She even tells him there’s a chance Orazio could get a reduced charge since he didn’t mean to kill Rosa. She schedules Pop’s deposition for the morning and sends him to a motel. Raquel and Eddie decide to question Orazio in the morning to see if they can bolster the case.

The next day, Pops is missing from his room. Raquel and Eddie decide to visit Orazio in jail and look for Pops afterwards. When they arrive at the prison a Corrections Officer tells them they can’t speak with Orazio. Some circus strongman brought in last night walked up to Orazio at breakfast and snapped his neck, just like a dolls.


Hi Mark,

You did a really good job with this! I was engaged in the twists and turns of the story and got a little taste of the mystery. I cut out a lot of the side characters you mentioned. Usually only main characters are presented by name in a synopsis.

Good luck!

Sharon

#6 Mark Friedlander

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Posted 30 June 2011 - 08:34 AM

Thanks folks. I appreciate the feedback.

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Kewpie Killer
Paper or plastic digital 51nLuiQDVjL._SL110_.jpg51ZiyrardhL._SL110_.jpg51IDRMxZ2EL._SL110_.jpg51Bjjx6HDYL._SL110_.jpg





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