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#21 RSMellette

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 06:49 PM

"Thanks." Rats! She was going to be nice.

#22 bkeats

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Posted 01 August 2011 - 08:55 AM

From an old short story...


"I'll be there in a minute!" I yelled, and yanked sharply on the toilet paper roll, sending a long and steady stream of paper shooting down to the floor. Fortunately, the cat's litter box prevented the TP from contacting my undoubtedly unsanitary bathroom floor. I choked off an obscenity while wadding up the paper loop, knocking the excess grit off of it and taking care of business.

In retrospect, I had severely underestimated the ability of Charmin to retain hidden granules of cat litter within its folds.

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#23 Pete Morin

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Posted 01 August 2011 - 10:07 AM

From an old short story...


"I'll be there in a minute!" I yelled, and yanked sharply on the toilet paper roll, sending a long and steady stream of paper shooting down to the floor. Fortunately, the cat's litter box prevented the TP from contacting my undoubtedly unsanitary bathroom floor. I choked off an obscenity while wadding up the paper loop, knocking the excess grit off of it and taking care of business.

In retrospect, I had severely underestimated the ability of Charmin to retain hidden granules of cat litter within its folds.

You learn new things from your ass every day.


Here's the thing about this exercise - the set-up is critical to the punch line!
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#24 Lanette Kauten

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Posted 01 August 2011 - 10:10 PM

One of the female elves stood behind Sarnait rubbing his shoulders while the other two sat on either side of him. The scene reminded me of a Mexican beer commercial. However, I didn’t find the elf all that interesting.

#25 RSMellette

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Posted 02 August 2011 - 10:15 AM

Here's the thing about this exercise - the set-up is critical to the punch line!


Ah, but there's an interesting point. Shouldn't a great line stand alone? Is that possible? Have you read those lines that jump out like an old saying, when in fact, you just wrote it? Or those lines where people say, "I'm going to have to remember that one."

#26 Pete Morin

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Posted 02 August 2011 - 10:35 AM

Ah, but there's an interesting point. Shouldn't a great line stand alone? Is that possible? Have you read those lines that jump out like an old saying, when in fact, you just wrote it? Or those lines where people say, "I'm going to have to remember that one."


Perhaps so. Maybe BK's line doesn't need a set up.


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I think we're going to need a bigger boat.


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#27 Late Bloomer

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Posted 04 September 2011 - 02:58 PM

I debated whether to place this under "Favorite Zinger" or here. It's not so much a zinger and it's more than a line, but I personally love this section:

From Heaven Help Me - a conversation between two angels:

"What’s wrong now, Jillian?"
"Tell me what Damien the Devil-in-Training’s up to Gabe?"
"You don’t want to know."
"Sarcasm again Gabe?"
Curiously, he asked, "Why would you want to know what Damien is doing?"
"Because the vestal virgins over here are boring me to tears. Besides, I’m getting nowhere with them on a personal level, and as for business, they’re not getting any closer to
finding out who killed me and why either. I’m frustrated as hell!"
"There’s that word again, Jillian," he warned. "Well, if you haven’t been able to get through to Nicole, perhaps you should switch to Jake for a while."
"I did. How do you think ‘the kiss’ finally happened? You don’t think either one of the seminary twins would have ever taken it that far without a push do you?"



#28 Candyland

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Posted 04 September 2011 - 05:18 PM

My heart fell and the feeling of having lost something I never had, overwhelmed me.

#29 Eli Ashpence

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Posted 04 September 2011 - 07:18 PM

From my fanfic, featuring a character apologizing for freaking out after finding out his lover drinks blood:



"I might be sleeping next to the damned, but you've been sleeping next to a damned fool all this time."
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#30 Tessa

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Posted 04 September 2011 - 08:05 PM

My heart fell and the feeling of having lost something I never had overwhelmed me.

That is good (though you need a comma)

#31 Candyland

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Posted 04 September 2011 - 08:28 PM

Thank you Tessa! (And I did insert the comma.) :happy:

#32 jdenker

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Posted 06 September 2011 - 05:45 PM

I just happened across this tidbit today:

“We’ll work on it,” Wilma cut her off, and Emmie knew that he had no intention of creating either craft corners or cabinets for chunky plastic squeezy toys and blocks and stuffed animals. As he so often pointed out, Wilma considered his designs to be works of art. And an artist of his caliber did not make concessions for bourgeois hobbies like scrapbooking or having babies.
As the great philosopher J. Clarkson has so often said, "How hard can it be?"
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#33 BlackRose

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Posted 07 September 2011 - 11:15 AM

This is from a short I'm working on. The speaker is Echo speaking to a Vampire she just chased down through a cow pasture while wearing her Prada boots.

"You see, the problem is we wasted our good nature on trying to entertain you at the club, got you a lap dance, a few drinks and were going to just talk to you. You decided to make me leave and chase you through these mounds of shit. For the record, if I had known you would run, I would have worn my tragically dirty steel toes and been done with it. I mean really, what are work boots for?"
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#34 the transylvanian

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Posted 12 September 2011 - 07:55 PM

This is from my first book - a regency romance.

"I could not believe that I was in the presence of the Duke of Winchester himself, the person with whom I already had so much admiration. Meeting his eyes again, I felt embarrassed. I felt that my dress was too revealing, my hair was too loose, and my whole attire was nothing more than cheap elegance. But he did not take his eyes off of me."

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#35 bkeats

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Posted 13 September 2011 - 11:55 AM

Angela couldn't look away as Roy's hands- his bare hands, his naked fingers- moved slowly up and down the blade. Caressing it.
For the first time, the boy's face took on a peaceful look. His eyes half-closed, he took a deep breath. "And you know what they say about grown-ups, don't you?" he murmured. "The bigger they are-"
"Yeah, I know," Angela cut him off, not wanting to hear any more. "The harder they fall."
But Roy shook his head. A lazy smile tugged at his lips. "No," he said softly. "The louder they scream."






"

#36 RSMellette

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Posted 16 September 2011 - 10:54 PM

Dr. Anton Menaus, the 47-year-old professor of quantum physics Dr. Weston had called, arrived shortly after his cologne.

#37 Josh L

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Posted 21 September 2011 - 10:22 AM

Just about anything this character said made me jump with joy as I put it on the page.


“And now that we’re friends,” he continued, “Let me introduce myself. My name is Olin and I’m a pirate.”


And some time later:


“I hope you know I’m not a bad man, just a bit desperate. You see, my shuttle broke down after our last excursion to the surface and I need a replacement part only you military types have.”

Erik’s eyes narrowed. “Is that why you kept me alive? So you can force me to tell you where you can get spare parts?”

“That’s about the entirety of my plan, yes.”

bzdSmSO.jpg  The Sky Demons are coming...

 


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#38 BlackRose

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Posted 22 September 2011 - 01:53 PM

Dr. Anton Menaus, the 47-year-old professor of quantum physics Dr. Weston had called, arrived shortly after his cologne.


I love that line. I had to lol at that one and thats bad since I am currently in class.
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#39 Lanette Kauten

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Posted 22 September 2011 - 02:17 PM

I didn’t bear Harley from the labor of my own body, but she was my child through the labor of my heart, and the enormity of my love for her had just crowned.

#40 RSMellette

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Posted 22 September 2011 - 03:16 PM

I love that line. I had to lol at that one and thats bad since I am currently in class.


I hope I didn't get you in trouble... but when the book comes out I want you to tell everyone what you were laughing at.




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