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Pushing through Query Hell


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#1 PRussell

PRussell

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Posted 13 May 2012 - 09:45 AM

Writing and selling my first Random House book (ACTING: Make It Your Business) was far easier than penning this query for my gay fiction WICKED JOURNEYS. So I'm reaching out for your feedback as I push through this fire.

Let's begin with the hook. I'm pondering two and seeking feedback on which, if either, is effective:

Hook 1

Michael DeMaio a young, struggling actor living with HIV would sooner suffer a furry, tuna costume to distribute Fishy Kitty samples at Penn Station than accept his parent’s bribe to abandon acting. Alberta Smythe an American widow from England wants forgotten her dead husband’s scandalous, shoddy slip to eternity. But Michael and Alberta, generations apart, discover together that deceit and tragedy play wicked with their life journeys.

Hook 2

Michael DeMaio a young, struggling actor living with HIV wants a boyfriend undaunted by the virus, and parents who don’t bribe him to abandon acting. Alberta Smythe a pampered, American widow from England wants her dead husband’s embezzlement scandal forgotten. But Michael and Alberta, generations apart, discover together that deceit and tragedy play wicked with their life journeys.

Insight welcomed.

My Best,
Paul
http://www.PaulRussell.net

#2 Stephanie Diaz

Stephanie Diaz

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Posted 13 May 2012 - 10:38 AM

You'll have more success with getting feedback if you put this in the AQ Connect - Query Critiques section, which is where many others are getting help with their queries. ;)

EXTRACTION_FINAL_COVER.jpg

Extraction

St. Martin's Griffin

July 22, 2014


#3 PRussell

PRussell

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Posted 13 May 2012 - 10:40 AM

Thanks Stephanie. I realized my mistake after posting. I couldn't find a 'delete post' option.

My Best,
Paul

#4 Stephanie Diaz

Stephanie Diaz

    The Girl Who Waited

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 899 posts
  • Literary Status:agented
  • LocationUS Southwest
  • Publishing Experience:Pub intern. EXTRACTION, the first book in my YA sci-fi trilogy, will be out July 22, 2014 from St. Martin's Griffin.

Posted 13 May 2012 - 10:41 AM

No prob, I believe a mod will delete this one soon. Just wanted to give you a heads up. :)

EXTRACTION_FINAL_COVER.jpg

Extraction

St. Martin's Griffin

July 22, 2014





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