Posted 25 May 2012 - 08:35 PM
Amelia Rowe (how old is she?) is about to join the most dangerous street racing gang in New York. Amelia Rowe has just become the newest member of the ______ (Ravenwood?) Gang. (I personally like to know the name of the gang. If they have a threatening name, then the agent will be hooked as well.)
Amelai doesn't care about the gang's crime history. She doesn't care that she now bears their symbol, a ______(what is it???) tattooed on her face. She doesn't even care what she must do during her initiation. All that matters is that joining the gang means she won’t be alone anymore.
Then she finds out how wrong she is.
Amelia discovers that the gang is trafficking human beings, and selling children to the highest bidder. She flees her initiation but is horrified to discover that there are warrants for her arrest. The police don't think she's a gang member. They think she's their leader. Leader, boss, organizer, chief. Play around with these words. And what does the real leader of the gang think of all this?
She can’t run. It’s not enough to clear her name (of any particular crime? What has she done in her initiation that already warrants her arrest?). She needs to catch the people responsible and end the trafficking. The only way to do it is with the help of two people: the brother who betrayed and abandoned her ten years ago, and the man she hates most in the entire world.
Complete at 105,000 words, RAVENWOOD (what is Ravenwood? Place? Person? Gang title?) is the story of a damaged (how is she damaged? What about Amelia separates her from other lonely young women?) young woman’s struggle to do the right thing, to escape the darkness that threatens to swallow her, and most of all, learn to trust again. (Before, she was alone. Now she has trust issues. I think it would be veru imperative that we know why she was alone and mistrusting from the start. The agent doesn't want to play a guessing game, she wants to know if she should be requesting a partial or full from you. Of course you'll need a synopisis to detail the entire story, but this query is your introduction to your story, your characters. We want to know why this group of characters is important. I do love that you are using human trafficking as the main conflict, becuase it's a scary subject that needs to be addressed more.
Your Name Here
I want to read this. For real. I think you have an important story here, you just need to work out the kinks. Good luck!!