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Recently Added Posts

  • MonksPhoto

    Thanks again to everyone who's critiqued this so far. I've done some fairly substantial rewrites to add specificity where I was vague before and strengthen the hook a little bit. I'm worried now th...

  • punitrastogiPhoto
    Hook for high fantasy (Burning Heart)

    punitrastogi - Today, 12:37 PM

    I think if the hook isn't making someone ask for more, its not working. Character, or not. Short or not. Thank you for your feedback, Testome, but I'm sorry to say, I have to disagree. There's not...

  • DV77Photo

    Thanks for the feedback on mine, Robyn. Let me try and repay the favor here.Awesome feedback, Hermitage, and you pointed to a solution for something that had been puzzling us.  Another shot....

  • CM_FickPhoto
    BENEATH THE MADDENING MOON

    CM_Fick - Today, 12:18 PM

    I think 2 is the best out of the 4 here, but I do like the beginning of punitrastogi's suggestion.  Despite the fur and fangs, Isabella is Zoe's dream girl. (my minor edit suggestion for...

  • smithgirlPhoto
    June Bug - Contemporary YA Query

    smithgirl - Today, 11:51 AM

    You might modify your hook to something like: Seventeen-year-old June Gerber (a.k.a June Bug) has long decided that her purpose--mission--in life is to make other people feel invincible. But a...

  • RobynJCPhoto
    June Bug - Contemporary YA Query

    RobynJC - Today, 11:41 AM

    I'm just going to chime in to say I like smith girl's A and B hybrid -- I agreed that the hook for B was stronger, but I like "boy toy" in A.  This is a great query, with a strong hook, c...

  • smithgirlPhoto
    June Bug - Contemporary YA Query

    smithgirl - Today, 11:34 AM

     VERSION A: Seventeen-year-old June Gerber (a.k.a June Bug) has long decided that her purpose--mission--in life is to make other people feel invincible. Like life was there for the taking...

  • CM_FickPhoto
    Hook for high fantasy (Burning Heart)

    CM_Fick - Today, 11:22 AM

    This only really describes someone's powers, but you've not introduced a mc, their goal, or an obstacle. This really wouldn't get me to read on really as there is nothing new here that hasn't...

  • Danielle76Photo
    Weird Question

    Danielle76 - Today, 11:20 AM

    Hello, everyone! The question is: is there anyone who would buy a manuscript to put under their own name? As I mentioned, this is a weird question. My reason for asking, and perhaps this will...

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