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Recently Added Posts

  • heynowyouPhoto
    Red Eyed Daniel (YA sci-fi)

    heynowyou - Today, 02:56 PM

    Fourteen-year old Daniel Venture has been cursed his entire life with pus-filled blisters. He's already swallowed hundreds of pills and seen twenty seven doctors. Nobody knows what causes the blist...

  • heynowyouPhoto
    KEEPERS (YA urban fantasy)

    heynowyou - Today, 02:47 PM

    Hey there. No expert at this, but I'll share my two cents. I had "order of information" questions reading this. The key information I wanted in order was: 1) The fairytales have escaped,...

  • heynowyouPhoto
    Shadowfall (YA Fantasy)

    heynowyou - Today, 02:37 PM

     In a world where magic has disappeared and technology rules, hearing voices in your head is dangerous, especially when you aren’t human to begin with. (Definitely a good opening. Lots of...

  • ATSPhoto
    KEEPERS (YA urban fantasy)

    ATS - Today, 02:20 PM

    Hey there. No expert at this, but I'll share my two cents. I had "order of information" questions reading this. The key information I wanted in order was: 1) The fairytales have escaped,...

  • PenPhoto

    Hey have you seen this? A camera recording nearly at the speed of light. https://youtu.be/mfgsQX78hg8?t=9m8s

  • John_AngelPhoto
    The Last Deception (mystery suspense)

    John_Angel - Today, 12:58 PM

    I think the main problem is this takes to long to get to the main conflict.  If you could bring those first two paragraphs down to a couple of sentences I think that might work better onl...

  • Constantine SingerPhoto
    EVERLAST (YA sci-fi)

    Constantine Singer - Today, 12:51 PM

    Hey Laurenx,   Some thoughts for you: You're burying your lede.  The standout, wowy and wonderful, part of your story is Everlast.  You have a company which has harnessed time t...

  • Constantine SingerPhoto
    Help pick my first line - YA Fantasy

    Constantine Singer - Today, 12:09 PM

    I'm from the less-is-more school of first lines.  "Pippa was Drunk."  works really well for me.  There's not a lot of new terms or geography to try and remember, its just a relatable...

  • NerdWitchPhoto
    THE CIRCUIT (YA Dystopia/Sci-Fi)

    NerdWitch - Today, 11:16 AM

    Fourth attempt :D  Dear (Agent Name), Laura Bishop wants nothing more than to seek revenge on the brother who betrayed her when he allowed scientists to take her away and run experiments...

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